Vegan Dollar Menu

When we were teenagers, my boyfriend and I used to go through McDonald's drive thru late at night and get dollar menu. McDonald's i...

When we were teenagers, my boyfriend and I used to go through McDonald's drive thru late at night and get dollar menu. McDonald's is probably chemically engineered to be exactly what humans crave. It's salty, crunchy, greasy, and available 24 hours a day, probably within walking distance of wherever you are. It's the worst food on the planet for us, but somehow we still ate it. We ate it and loved it, so much that I remember it perfectly right down to the smell of it. Even after all these years, I'm somehow still able to crave McDonald's. What kind of freaky subliminal messages can they be sending you when you eat this shit? It's chilling, to say the least. But if I were to say that I wasn't psyched about creating a Vegan Dollar Menu, I'd be lying.

I was running down a list I made of things to make during Vegan Mofo, seeing what we felt like for dinner tonight. Alex said we'd better make vegan dollar menu, especially since I was already dressed like the Hamburglar. 

 I am ready to burglarize all of your vegan burgers. None are safe.

Complete with nuggets, V-Mac and fries in a homemade fry-container. Ketchup, Mustard and BBQ all for your dipping pleasure.

Regardless of how much I ever crave McDonald's or any other food that I don't believe in anymore, I'll never eat it again, because what I stand for and believe in is way more important than how a certain food tastes. What makes it easy, is that I can make that certain food, vegan. Being vegan is really easy guys. See? 

Vegan Dollar Menu

1 package super firm tofu
1 cup all-purpose un-bleached flour
1 teaspoon dried basil
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1 teaspoon dried oregano
2 teaspoons garlic powder
2 teaspoons onion powder
1 teaspoon dried mustard
2 teaspoons seasoning salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 six-ounce container plain almond yogurt
1/2 cup unsweetened soy or almond milk
2 teaspoons salt

Oil, to fry

3 large white potatoes
1 teaspoon salt

3 burger buns with sesame seeds
2 cutlets of seitan, preferably homemade
2 kosher dill pickles, minced
1/2 small red onion, minced
4 slices tomato
1/3 cup shredded romaine lettuce

Special sauce:
1/2 cup vegenaise
2 chipotles in adobo, chopped
2 teaspoons lemon juice

ketchup, mustard, and bbq for dipping

If you're using super-firm tofu, you don't need to press it. If you can't find it, press extra firm tofu for at least half an hour. Slice the block in half, lengthwise, and then slice widthwise. Now slice into thirds. You should have 12 little rectangles, which will be your nuggets. 
Cut the seitan cutlets into circular patties and slice them in half, width-wise. 
Slice potatoes into long sticks, like fries. Soak them in cold water for 20 minutes, then drain well.
Put a bunch (as much as you can live with) of canola oil in a deep cast-iron pot. I use my dutch oven. Heat it until a tiny bit of tofu bubbles when you put it in the oil. 
Add flour to a large bowl and mix together with the spices and seasoning salt. Dredge the nuggets in the seasoned flour. In another good-sized bowl, add the almond yogurt, soy milk and salt and whisk together. One by one, remove the nuggets from the flour and dunk them in the yogurt mixture. Carefully remove with tongs and place in the oil. Repeat with remaining nuggets. Fry until golden on both sides. Remove from oil and allow to drain on a paper towel-lined rack. Add potatoes to the oil. Cook about 15 minutes until potatoes are cooked through, then drain. In a cast-iron skillet, brown the seitan cutlets, using a little oil if necessary. Sprinkle with salt. 
Bring the oil back up to temperature and add the fries back to the oil. Cook until golden, then drain. Add the nuggets back into the oil for 1-2 minutes, then drain. 

Make special sauce by mixing together the ingredients in a small bowl. Assemble the burgers by dividing up the buns, 3 for each person. Spread each bun with special sauce. Put 1 cutlet on each bottom and middle bun. Add chopped pickles, onions and a tomato slice on top of each cutlet. On the top bun, add some chopped romaine lettuce. Move the middle bun onto the top bun, then the top over the middle. Serve with nuggets and fries, and lots of ketchup, mustard and bbq for dipping.

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  1. I can't say that I miss McDonalds but I adore vegan comfort foods like this. Your meal looks perfect, I love the chip holder and your tofu nuggets sound so much better than the mystery nuggets McDonalds serve up.

    1. Thanks! One has argued that they could eat at McDonald's as a vegetarian, because what's in their burgers isn't really meat. I do remember when they came out with "all-white-meat chicken nuggets" and I'm like, wtf was it before? right?

  2. Such a cool idea! Awesome fry container; everything looks great! :)

    1. Thanks! I happen to have that tofurky container in the recycling from lunch time, so it got recycled in a new way haha.

  3. This rules. That Tofurky fry container is genius, and chipotle vegenaise is definitely superior to Thousand Island dressing. Also, kudos to whoever owns that David Bazan poster!

    1. Thanks! It's my poster, my bf and I are big fans :)